The Hateful Eight: Eight Things I Hate (VIII)

Alex Gribb, Editor-In-Chief
May 27, 2023

It’s finally over. Junior year is finally over. I feel every sense of satisfaction knowing that Dante’s seventh circle of hell is behind me. With another year done, I leave another Hateful 8.

1. Chemistry

Never in my life will I face the difficulty Honors Chemistry has hurled at me. I feel the absolute dumbest I have felt since cutting my own hair in 2019, and that pain lasted for about 3 months. This pain feels infinite.

2. People who Draw on Tables

One of the only things teachers have in school is their classroom. If your incessant doodling can not be bound by a notebook, at least keep it on your own property. Your pencil sketching should remain private to preserve both your peers and teachers’ eyes, while not being disrespectful.

3. Puns

It’s not comedy. It’s not anything. Devoid of class, taste, and anything positive, puns are excessive, unnecessary, and instantly reveal the type of person you are if you use these. (Not a good one.)

4. Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes deniers

The pair was gay-coded. Steve Rogers should not have been with Peggy Carter, and if you think a couple of offhand glances are love, then you are deluded. Bucky and Steve were soulmates, and the fact that people fail to recognize it feels as delusional as a teenage girl during prom season.

5. Fake Laughing

Not everyone has the talent of being naturally funny, and fake laughing only encourages the production of subpar jokes. When you fake laugh, you create a disservice to a person’s ego, because instead of that person realizing they’re not funny, they become convinced that what they are doing is ok, despite the reality that a bad joke is a heinous act of violence.

6. Handprints on Glass

I hate seeing grimy handprints on anything reflective. It’s gross and slimy, and reminds me of children with sticky hands. Disgusting, unnecessary, and all-around horrifying.

7. Inaccurate Maps

When a map shows that Greenland is larger than Mexico, it just ticks me off a little. I’m no geography aficionado, but what I will not stand for is the disproportionate portrayal of Africa.

8. Lip Gloss

A good lip gloss makes a good day. A sticky, disgusting, horribly flavored lip gloss ruins everything. And, the only lip gloss that is actually a fair combination between glossy and satin is often insanely expensive. I am forced to stick with chapstick, as my dreams of a good lip gloss float away.