They say new year new me. But if I’m honest, the turn of this year hasn’t brought me positivity. It’s like Santa delivered a sack of coal full of displeasure and disgust. Despite my ailments, I have mustered up the strength, (and let’s be frank, the courage,) to write another Hateful Eight.

1. Having a Sore Neck

When I roll my neck to the side, it shouldn’t sound like a 1950s secretary using a typewriter. Also, I hate the idea of rubbing Icy Hot on my neck. Something warm should not become icy. It’s like George Santos — odd in a way you can’t quite pinpoint (actually I can, it’s his Botox). 

2. Senior Year

I want to apologize to my sister for making fun of her experience during Senior Year. Not only did she have to wear a mask, drive me to school in a rusted car with a manual transmission, and complete draining college apps; she also had senioritis. For the younger generations, senioritis is less of an apathy than an anxiety, which is all consuming and never ends. 

3. Losing

Boy am I a bad loser. I come from an incredibly competitive family, so family game nights were more likely to incite violence than camaraderie. I rarely lose in life, and I’m not very good at it. But I shouldn’t have to become adjusted to loss. Instead, everything should be rigged so that I can win.  

4. Heat

Nothing will worsen my mood more than walking into a hot room. I, unfortunately, am a very sweaty person, and although the deodorant situation is always covered, my mental state isn’t. We’re in Colorado. We should be accustomed to the cold, not trying to appropriate the Bahamas. 

5. The Republican Party

The amount of belief I had in magic at seven is the same level that many Republicans have in the human version of a melted orange creamsicle.

6. Dolls

Did I ask for one of these for a childhood birthday? Yes. Did it stare at me creepily all night? Also yes. 

7. Dry Expo Markers

The entire concept of a whiteboard is smooth writing, and erasable mistakes. A dry marker messes up both, because you can’t write smoothly. You can’t write at all. And if you can’t write, you can’t erase. This one, I blame on climate change. 

8. Group Projects

It’s not so much the group as it is an individual person that can ruin the entire experience. In my last project, I got told that another member would get their information while I made it “look pretty.” I don’t know what part of me looks like I would accept that treatment ever, but this person found a way to make me feel like I had mud in between my toes. Safe to say I avoid eye contact with that person in my class now.