Ever since I was young, I’ve had a rough time dealing with my emotions. When I didn’t agree with someone, I would get angry and convince myself they were trying to ruin my life. Little mistakes and slight call-outs would send me spiraling into a rage. My anger built up and when my friends were nit-picking something, I would cuss them out using words that I could even cry from. Instead of reacting with sadness, which was the emotion I was really feeling, I lashed out and got mad at those close to me.
I have since blocked my ability to cry in public. When I get upset I take my anger out on my friends, loved ones, and even strangers. I get extremely violent when I’m upset, and people even tell me I have “anger issues”. I have gotten into so many fights that could have been avoided if I could have just been able to cry or express my emotions in a more appropriate way.
Many men have the same reaction I do when upset at a situation or a person, they lash out at those around them. This causes them to overreact and turn something into a bigger deal then it needs to be. If men allowed themselves to cry or show more “feminine” emotions, they could mitigate lash outs and have healthier reactions to difficult situations.
Human emotion has to come out in one way or another. If a man needs to express how he feels and refuses to cry he will convert his sadness to anger and take it out on others.
Crying and expressing sadness has many benefits when it comes to mental health. When you cry you release chemicals that help to comfort, or bandage, emotional wounds and health with mental health issues. Men harbor emotions and wait till they build up and they blow up, instead of just letting themselves feel sad. This has caused my own mental health to decrease.
Societal norms have forced men like me to push down their emotional vulnerability. They frequently refuse to cry or display any other emotion that’s considered emasculating, when in reality crying allows people to express things they can’t articulate into words.
Men have been fed the same “boys don’t cry” line for most of their lives. Movies and TV shows like The Other Guys, and The Bernie Mac Show all have promoted this idea. In the movie, The Other Guys, Will Ferrell starts crying and his wife started singing a song saying “pimps don’t cry.” After a while, Will Ferrell joined in. Even on the Bernie Mac Show, the main character is always bashing his nephew when he cries saying he needs to “man up”.
Men like to feel strong and have a social hierarchy amongst themselves. They will ridicule each other for showing weakness. This creates the idea that showing emotion makes it easier to be taken advantage of or that demonstrating emotions makes you weaker than everyone else, which is completely untrue.
I have struggled with this stereotype a lot, impacting how I see myself in many ways. Even causing me to hide my true feelings around those closest to me.
I was scared to look weak. I thought that if I hid my emotions and made myself seem tough people couldn’t talk down to me or hurt me. I grew up in rough neighborhoods so I had to be tough so people wouldn’t try and take advantage of me, so crying was out of the question for me if I wanted to make it out in one piece.
When I have cried I have felt better, but afterward I felt embarrassed, even ashamed. I felt as though I was not strong enough to deal with my issues.
It’s ridiculous to stigmatize an emotion that everyone deals with and one that should be considered normal. There’s nothing wrong with men crying and showing more vulnerable emotions, instead, it should be encouraged.
According to an article from Forbes, crying also helps with relationships with loved ones as it shows a vulnerable side of the person. Crying helps build communication skills and can display a bond between people. Crying can help improve interpersonal relationships.
I have built such strong relationships with people because they have listened with kindness to what I was going through. My trust in them is extraordinary because I can express my emotions around them without fear of judgment. When men allow themselves to express emotion they can create longer lasting and deeper relationships with others.
It’s a well known fact by now that men have high suicide rates, and men being told they can’t cry likely contributes to that. According to Renewal Health Group men’s suicide rate were about 90 times higher than that in women. Telling men they can’t cry likely helps contribute to these statistics and cause more mental health issues within men.
The impacts of expressing mental health could be a struggle for some, and it’s not easy to just tell someone how you feel. Having a bond with someone that allows you to trust them is the first step all men should take.
It’s embarrassing to show a weak part of myself because I have always felt like I need to protect myself from harm. This has caused my mental health to decrease. But this doesn’t have to be the case. Attempting to understand what people are going through instead of laughing, allows for everyone to feel comfortable being human and having human needs. We as a society need to normalize that everybody has the right to cry and that it’s okay for men to show more vulnerable emotions.
