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It’s rare that a movie doesn’t make me feel anything. Either it’s sad, funny, impressive, or so bad it makes me angry. This was not the case with The Idea of You, the Harry Styles fanfiction brought to you by Michael Showalter, esteemed director of Wet Hot American Summer.

The predominant thing I felt during this 115 minute slog was an overwhelming urge to turn off the TV — if it weren’t for the commitment I made to myself to write this review, I would’ve. I really did hope this would be good. I love Anne Hathaway, I love corny rom-coms, and I’ve read enough fanfiction to understand the appeal of a plot like this. But this movie blew.

Hayes Campbell (Nicholas Galitzine) is a 24-year-old British boybander with horribly placed tattoos and an exceptional lack of maturity; Soléne Marchand (Anne Hathaway) is a divorced 40-year-old mother with bangs who always looks like she’s just seen a ghost. The writing is excruciatingly on-the-nose, from the song Hayes serenades Soléne with at Coachella a few hours after they meet (“I know that you’re a little bit older”) to the Tag Heuer watch that represents their willingness to be together.

It has the classic plot points of a celebrity-normie romance: a steamy summer spent traveling the world, dramatic departures and reunions, communicating via the Graham Norton Show. I can excuse even the cheesiest of writing as long as the leads have chemistry, but the problem here is that they don’t. 

Hayes is insufferable (drinking milk straight out of the carton the first time you go to someone’s house? Really?) and Galitzine doesn’t give him an ounce of charm. He thinks that his friends wanting money from him is comparable to Soléne’s husband and the father of her daughter cheating on her and leaving her for a younger woman. He makes quips that are supposed to be funny but come off as childish and rude, and the only reason Soléne could possibly be interested in him is a crippling lack of self-worth.

This movie tries to be a comedy, but the funniest moments come from the minorest characters: Eva (Perry Mattfeld), Soléne’s ex-husband’s mistress, has impeccable timing and Soléne’s daughter’s friends have great delivery. But these little golden moments are completely overshadowed by the dullest love story of all time. I would build a straw house on top of this romance, that’s how few sparks there are.

The script is riddled with plot holes, too. Soléne “pays the sitter” after coming home from dinner when her daughter is 13. The same daughter needs to be driven to and from school months after her dad gifts her a car. It all reeks of a lack of attention to detail, like the writers were rushing to arrange the next cliché interaction between Hayes and Soléne. It’s just awful writing.

Everything The Idea of You tries to do falls extremely flat. The script is bad, the premise is shaky, and the execution is bland. Anne Hathaway should’ve run far, far away, but I guess for $7 million I would’ve done this too.