I want to be honest with you guys for a minute: I led you here with false pretenses. As a member of the Gribb family, and more importantly, as a teenage girl, apologizing when I’m wrong isn’t a part of my nature. And who am I to challenge my DNA?

So instead of admitting my mistakes via a list of my past opinions, which would be impossible anyway because I’ve never been wrong in my life, I decided instead to give a graduation gift to you all: a fresh eight hates.

For the last time, I present the award-winning Hateful 8. 

1. People with Bad Breath

Not only are you poisoning me with your toxic gas, but you are also putting me in the awkward position of choosing whether to tell you or continue suffering in silence. The social acrobatics you put me through on top of the disgusting experience are too much to handle.

2. Chronically Online Teenagers

OH MY GOD get off your phone and get a life. You may think it’s chic now, but your lack of real personality is making everyone around you cringe anytime you open your mouth. 

3. When I Beg My Friends for Gum

The only awful part of this experience is that it makes me feel like a 1700s pauper anytime I ask people for gum. I might as well be wearing a newsboy cap asking, “Please sir, may I have some more?” But all risks have their rewards, and it is incredibly beneficial when my friends begrudgingly hand over two sticks.

4. The Day After I Dye My Hair

It’s like opening up a gift from a friend you aren’t super close with. It doesn’t matter what the gift is, you still have to act like you like it. And in my case, the gift often materializes as a streak of blonde that will haunt me for a month and a half.

5. Creepy Teachers

Why do I have to put up with adult weirdos when I’m already surrounded by teen-aged ones? Creek needs to set up a system of anonymous tipping that will eliminate the uncomfortable situation almost every student has been placed in. 

6. Stupid Drivers

I’m not claiming to be the Gordon Ramsey of driving. What I am saying is that if you are trying to get over into my lane and you don’t have your blinker on, I am seriously considering punching it and rear-ending you.

7. Rude Students

I understand that you’re a confused, mediocre young person who thinks you’re God’s gift to the world. But Jesus Christ can you please shut up so that the rest of us can continue pretending you don’t exist?

8. Bald, Short Men With Beards

This last one is just an excuse to talk about Mr. Fine. Was he passive-aggressive in a way that put him on par with your judgemental grandmother? Yes. Did the glare from his bald head blind me so much that I had to go to the hospital? No. But all-in-all he’s a pretty stand up guy, even though when he was standing up you could barely see him sometimes. To Mr. Fine, this is also your thank you note for the letter of rec you wrote for me.