WARNING: This story contains graphic depictions of sexual assault. For help with this issue, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800) 656-4673.
Following Creek’s annual practice, Katie Koestner—the first woman to speak out nationally as a victim of “date rape”—was welcomed back to speak with seniors on Nov. 12 about sexual assault and the boundaries of consent.
Koestner’s story is one that Creek’s administrative team considers critical for students to hear, which is why she has been brought back every year to present since the early 2000s. Her message continues to resonate with many individuals and receives incredible feedback, according to Activities Director Kelly Prevost.
“We have had Katie speak on campus to our seniors for several years with incredible success,” Prevost said. “We receive feedback year after year from parents and students that they have not had a more impactful experience than hearing Katie speak.”
Principal Ryan Silva stated that Koestner had been an annual speaker at Creek before he stepped into the role 17 years ago, and he continues the tradition because he believes her message is essential as students prepare to enter college, the workforce, and adulthood.
During the assembly, Koestner explained how, at the age of 18, she was sexually assaulted by her date. After going to a French restaurant for dinner, Koestner brought her date back to her dorm, where she was then pressured by him for several hours to have sex. She stated she tried to stall him from taking his clothes off by looking in the mirror at her desk and then throwing stuffed animals at him from her bed, but then he ended up pinning her down against her pink carpet and raping her.
“I told him to please get off me, and he kept telling me to ‘calm down and relax’ and ‘everything will be okay if you relax,’” Koestner said in her address. “He said, ‘You need to stop thinking and start feeling me,’ and in that moment I lost my virginity against my will.”
When Koestner spoke out about what happened she was dissmissed by her family, roomates, and her college institution (William & Mary): her mother told her not to speak out because now she was considered ‘damaged goods,’ her school nurse gave her sleeping pills and told her to ‘sleep it off’ rather than providing a rape kit, and her dean told her she ‘needed to go home and think more carefully what [she] was saying because [she] could ruin his life.’
Koestner decided to file an administrative hearing at William & Mary rather than file a police report, as she was told it would be an easier process. She expressed how she was scared of being alone in a hearing for seven hours, while her perpetrator had two lawyers, but what was said in the hearing altered her life.
“In the middle of that hearing that fall, he said, ‘Katie told me no more than a dozen times that night, and then eventually, she stopped saying no, and I knew she changed her mind,’” she said. “He admitted that I told him no at least 12 times in the same night, so he was found guilty.”
However, his punishment was minimal. The rapist’s punishment was that he was banned from Koestner’s residence hall for the remainder of the semester, and that was it. Koestner, furious, mailed all William & Mary parents letters, telling them what happened, saying, ‘If you care about your children, you need to protest.’
Her story spread like wildfire. Multiple news sources picked up her story, and she was featured on the cover of Time magazine as the first woman to speak out about the reality of “date rape.”
Silva believes that by bringing Koestner, they can make victims of sexual assault be seen, or allow people to learn how to better support victims. “It’s not a message that every single person needs, but even if it helps 20 people, isn’t it worth it?” Silva said.
Between the emotional weight of Koestner’s story and the sensitivity of the topic, Silva emphasized that it’s important for the message to be delivered in a way that educates rather than harms. He noted that sexual assault is a complex and painful subject, and having a speaker who can approach it with empathy and experience ensures that students leave with understanding rather than fear.
“It’s a really sensitive topic, and if you have somebody who’s not skilled at doing it, it can really backfire; what is intended to be helpful can end up being the opposite,” he said. “That’s why Katie is brought back every year, and we will continue to do so to support and benefit our student body.”
