As the Grammy Awards come around in February, I feel it’s my job to tell you the only correct choices for the top awards; album of the year, song of the year, best new artist, and record of the year. Why would you listen to the experts who pick the winner when you could instead listen to a teenage girl whose only credentials are her Spotify-wrapped and goated music taste? 

Album Of The Year: 

I’m going to be 100 percent honest, I didn’t listen to any of the other albums, and if I did it was like one or two songs that were on the radio. So my pick for Album of the Year goes to Taylor Swift’s “Tortured Poets Department.” not only was this the only album I listened to in its entirety, but Swift also has a very nostalgic place in my heart, so I’m gonna stick with 5-year-old me on this one. 

Record of the Year: 

I worked as a lifeguard over the summer, and oh my was this song by far one of the most played songs, but unlike all the “Party in the USA”s and the “HOT TO GO!”s, I never got tired of this song. My pick for record of the year goes to “Birds of a Feather” by Billie Eilish. This song was upbeat without being extremely annoying and didn’t get old after four listens. Not to mention that the whole song is good, not just a singular lyric like “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappel Roan. “Birds of a Feather” is also a commonly agreed upon good song and a very popular song that was trending on TikTok and played on the radio for weeks, and I can’t say the same for Taylor Swift’s “Fortnight.” 

Best New Artist: 

Watching her go from some Disney Channel kid whose fame is long gone to becoming one of the biggest icons of 2024, Sabrina Carpenter truly is the only deserving person for Best New Artist. While yes, I’m aware she’s been making music forever, and I’ve been listening to her since I was 12, this year was the first year she was known on a completely global scale since the drama with Olivia Rodrigo. Both her newest album and its paired tour set the tone for the latter half of 2024. 

Song of the Year:

 Song of the year goes to Kendrick Lamar’s “Not Like Us” solely for the iconic “ tryna strike a cord and it’s probably a minor” lyric that was sung in, ironically, an A minor chord, and could be heard on everyone’s FYP for the following two weeks after the song was released. I’ve genuinely never been more invested in celebrity drama than I was with the Drake vs. Kendrick feud; trust I could write a dissertation on it.