I, shockingly, do not hate Valentine’s Day. It’s absolutely disgusting to see public displays of affection, and it’s abhorrent to look at happy people, but Valentine’s Day allows high school kids to dip their toes into love and romance. It’s funny to see couples fail, but it’s cooler to see two people be in love. With that attitude of giddiness and contentment, I introduce a special edition of the Hateful Eight, filled with eight things I love. 

1. Apfelschorle

There is absolutely nothing like it in the U.S. It is not simply horridly sweet apple juice with some bubbles. It represents nostalgia, the 2010s, and a time when I could fluently speak German. When I drink this glorious beverage again, all of my problems will be solved.

2. My Car: Petunia

I love my worn-down manual transmission and its aggressive locks. It’s a shame that modern-day cars lack the noisiness mine has. It is also a shame that people do not experience the life-or-death scenarios my driving creates when paired with a manual. Big shout out to Petunia and her lack of adequate seating. 

3. Big Mugs

Nothing could make a morning better than piping hot coffee in a ginormous mug. There is just something about gripping such a fine dish that I love. Especially when it means I can chug my body weight in caffeine. It’s even better if the mug looks like I stole it from a grandma. 

4. Child Laughter

In working with kids, I’ve come to realize that the best thing they can do is one, listen, and two, laugh. It fills me up with so much joy when I can make a kid cackle for simply repeating the tomfoolery they just exclaimed. I love kids, and I love their unabashed, boisterous laughter.

5. Unorganized Bookshelves

Books are meant to be read and used for information, not to be kept in pristine condition. The same should be said for what they are put on. I find it unsettling when a bookshelf is truly color-coded, as it lacks personality and depth. I should know by looking at the bookshelf that you hated “Of Mice and Men” so much that it is in perfect condition since your other books have been ruined by annotations and slight indentations where tears once fell.

6. Cutting Potatoes

The best vegetable to cut by far. The way potatoes cut is so clean and concise, and it makes me feel way more talented in the kitchen than I am. I love the way a knife slices through vegetables, and any deluded boost to my ego is openly accepted. 

7. Taking Notes in a Notebook 

The sound of paper rustling together, paired with the colorful titles of notes, paired with the color scheme I create, paired with my extensive stationery collection, sounds like hell to most. But to me, the time I take to make my physical notes pretty should translate to my grades. It hasn’t yet, but I’m still holding out hope.  

8. Timothée Chalamet Period Movies

Is there anything better than seeing Timothée in 18th-century clothing while his character is deeply in love with another who deeply mirrors my personality? No. No there is not.