From a very young age I have always admired the idea of romance. However, as I’ve grown older, I’ve found it much less appealing.
As a child, I watched romance movies with my mom, creating the image that the person you spend your life with is meant to yearn for you and express their love in actions. Movies like “The Notebook,” “10 Things I Hate About You,” and “Serendipity” created my conceptions of love, and threw me into a dreamland of what my future romances would look like.
Then I got to middle school.
My perspective entirely changed once I experienced modern romance for myself, in a talking stage. That’s a period right before dating where two people are almost dating but not yet. We talked constantly for three years online, and barely spoke in person. This wasn’t the idealized image I’d imagined as a child, as I’d done since the age of five. This talking stage was rough, awkward, and even painful – it was nothing like what I’d imagined.
Online he was the sweetest person in the world, but then in person he wouldn’t even talk to me and was super dry. And the worst part is that he was one of my closest friends. I didn’t just lose a talking stage, I lost a friend.
I’d hoped to experience cute, little dates like going to the park and watching the stars. A pure connection. Not the normalized version of sitting in a restaurant, ignoring each other and scrolling endlessly. Of course relationships of the past were not perfect, but they seem much better than todays’ to me.
Meeting online was not always a thing. According to Child Trends, during the 1990s, very few adult couples met online. That amount jumped to 39 percent of couples meeting online in 2017. Maybe that’s not the majority, but from virtually zero to almost 40 is a big jump, and that was still eight years ago.
There are so many other variables that go into modern age romance being unromantic. Talking stages over Snapchat aren’t romantic. Only wanting to be physical isn’t romantic. Never meeting up in person isn’t romantic. Doing the bare minimum isn’t romantic.
We’re all familiar with “what do you look like” warriors, a term that’s plagued our generation, solidifying the prominent lack of romance. They are random people who add anyone who breathes on Snapchat. Their only intention is to see pictures of people’s bodies and faces and give them false hope of any real feelings. They consistently normalize prioritizing looks over personality, neglecting to introduce themselves or ask about your day. What matters to them is what you look like and what you’re wearing, so you can forget how many siblings you have or how your day is going. Simply, these people are just a waste of molecules and precious phone battery.
According to the National Library of Medicine (NLM), it’s estimated that about 70 percent of people reported having had sexual intercourse by their late teens.
Hookup culture is so normalized that everywhere I go, I hear people talking about the most bombastic things like how they went on a “four man.” That’s where four guys and four girls go on a group “date,” looking only to hookup. Can people not have actual romantic feelings anymore? Why do we only care about sex? Also, so many people go on two man after two man. A “two man” is when you and your friend go hook up with two other people. At the ripe age of 14, how on Earth are you getting this many people to hook up with you? And why?
Social media has absolutely blown up relationships because you can see if your significant other is online and not answering you. It gets toxic, especially when there is an increase in jealousy and insecurities around followers and those they follow. This leads to unhealthy relationships and situationships, like the classic on-again-off-again couple we all know.
According to the NLM, the Toledo Adolescent Relationships Study found that 44 percent of young adults reported multiple periods of breaking up and getting back together with their intimate partners.
That shouldn’t be normal, but it is. The emotional pain that comes with unstable relationships is very familiar to many teens nowadays.
Now people need to change romance. Here are my suggestions. Do the little things, walk people to their doors, get “just because” flowers, and please, go on cute little dates: arcade, aquarium, picnics in the park, painting dates, bowling, drive in movies, dinner dates, every now and then, and instead of going on “two mans” go on double dates. Also instead of sending Snapchat streaks, talk in person.
